I am sure being a best man can be quite nerve-wracking and stressful - a wedding's probably pretty stressful for all parties - but a best man has plenty to do and worry about. Here's some helpful websites and information dealing with anxiety which I'm sure any budding best man will be interested to educate himself on.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a normal, if unpleasant, part of life, and it can affect us all in different ways and at different times. Whereas stress is something that will come and go as the external factor causing it (be it a work, relationship or money problems, etc.) comes and goes, anxiety is something that can persist whether or not the cause is clear to the sufferer.
Anxiety can make a person imagine that things in their life are worse than they really are, and prevent them from confronting their fears. Often they will think they are going mad, or that some psychological imbalance is at the heart of their woes. What is important is the recognition that anxiety is normal and exists due to a set of bodily functions that have existed in us from our cave-man days.
Back then, we were equipped with an internal alarm system designed to protect us from the dangers surrounding us in the wild. This system would make us hyper-alert by giving us a boost of adrenaline that would increase the heart rate and boost the amount of oxygen going to our limbs so we were better able to fight or run from danger. This is known as the “fight or flight” response. The “butterflies in the stomach” feeling that many associate with anxiety is this mechanism kicking in, but instead of being used to avoid immediate danger, it is often wrongly and inappropriately activated in a person during normal, everyday situations when stress has built up, often unknowingly.
Some people have a very identifiable cause for their anxiety; a traumatic incident, lots of stressors or have undergone a significant life event (moving house, getting divorced, having surgery). However, some people don’t have an identifiable cause for their anxiety and it causes them some distress. One way of thinking about your anxiety is to imagine your stress levels as being like a bucket of water. If we keep adding stressors to the bucket (even tiny ones like the school run or commuting to work), over time it fills up until one day it overflows. This can be a good way of looking at anxiety as it explains why sometimes it can seem to come out of the blue with no significant trigger. However, what has happened is that the trigger was just a very small stressor that tipped us over the edge and allowed our bucket to overflow. What we need is a leaky bucket with lots of holes in to reduce your overall stress levels. Each one of these holes could be something positive that you do to manage your anxiety, such as yoga, exercise, reading, listening to music or spending time with friends or family.
Symptoms of anxiety
People often experience physical, psychological and behavioural symptoms when they feel anxious or stressed.
Some of the most common physical symptoms of anxiety are:
- Increased heat rate
- Increased muscle tension
- “Jelly legs”
- Tingling in the hands and feet
- Hyperventilation (over breathing)
- Dizziness
- Difficulty in breathing
- Wanting to use the toilet more often
- Feeling sick
- Tight band across the chest area
- Tension headaches
- Hot flushes
- Increased perspiration
- Dry mouth
- Shaking
- Choking sensations
- Palpitations
Some of the most common psychological symptoms (the thoughts or altered perceptions we have) of anxiety are:
- Thinking that you may lose control and/or go “mad”
- Thinking that you might die
- Thinking that you may have a heart attack/be sick/faint/have a brain tumour
- Feeling that people are looking at you and observing your anxiety
- Feeling as though things are speeding up/slowing down
- Feeling detached from your environment and the people in it
- Feeling like wanting to run away/escape from the situation
- Feeling on edge and alert to everything around you
The most common behavioural symptom (the things we do when we are anxious) is avoidance. Although avoiding an anxiety provoking situation produces immediate relief from the anxiety, it is only a short term solution. This means that whilst it may seem like avoiding is the best thing to do at the time, the anxiety often returns the next time that you face the situation and avoiding it will only psychologically reinforce the message that there is danger. The problem with avoidance is that you never get to find out whether your fear about the situation and what would happen is actually true." AnxietyUK
There are even forums for people in the same situation to get to know each other and share advice/experiences. Such as nomorepanic
Here is a post from a member:
"So for some of those symptoms try the following
Shaking hands or limbs - clench the hands tight like a fist , hold it and take a deep breath in throught your nose , release the fist as you release the breath out through your nose, by doing this slowly and calmly Not only are we releasing the adrenalin that has built up but we are also taking control of our breathing which will calm our nervous system down.
Lump in throat or tight throat - If you suffer with this then it is usually because when we are tense we walk around with our TOUNGE permanantly place up in the roof of our mouth clenched and tight, and by doing this we IMMEDIATLY tense the throat and jaw area , causing muscle tension , so make a effort to check where your tounge is placed in the mouth and attempt to keep it lowered ,
Pain in shoulders and neck / headaches -- again when tense we walk or sit with our shoulders hunched up around our ears , this causes tension in the neck and head , drop the shoulders , keep a eye on where you hold them and if you feel pain or discomfort when you do this its Ok its Just that your body isnt used to feeling relaxed given time you will re-train yourself to carry yourself properly and in a more relaxed state.
Palpitations - - Horrible I know but is yet another symptom of anxiety , We do tend to monitor it when we feel our heart going ten to the dozen and this is where we make it seem much worse than it actually is - TRY TO REMEMBER A STRONG FAST BEATING HEART IS A GOOD HEART and no harm will come to you or your heart,, if at night time you struggle to sleep for listening to your own heart when lieing down then place to pillows on the bed and rest your head on the crack between the two pillows , this will help you to stop monitering and listening to yourself.
Dizzy or sick spells - again Not nice but very common , when we have anxiety we burn off sugar very fast or we dont eat enough , you should really be trying to eat 4 or 5 small meals a day rather than 2 or 3 large ones and if you feel sick or dizzy then try a sweet cup of tea or a buiscuit to help replenish your sugar levels , every symptom you feel has a logical explanation for it and once you discover how to help yourself beating anxiety becomes much easier.
Depersonalization - this is simply a result of a tired mind , when we have anxiety we seem to think about things 24/7 and of course this tires us out , instead of curling up in bed or on the sofa praying this stops simply do the breathing excersise for 20 minutes , doing this will give your mind time to rest and your body time to relax, doing a good excerise for 20 minutes is the same as allowing the body and mind 2 hours sleep ....... well worth doing and i suggest even if your having a good day try to do this for 20minutes at least 3 times a day this will allow you to keep your body relaxed and in the state it should be.
Intrusive thoughts ----- Horrible again belive me i been there , but remember these are JUST thoughts and again its the way we react to them that matters , dont sit there thinking and pondering about the why's if's and maybe's , get up do something , read a book , play a game crosswords or even bake some bread or cakes anything to take your mind away from your thought, its impossible to think about two things at the same time, I know it seems you can but trust me you CANT and eventually if you stick with distraction it does work .
Exercise - Essential for recovery , try to do some low impact excersises each day it may be a little walk or cycling or even swimming , Yoga is excellant for anxiety and good excerise releases the body's own nautal endorphines which makes us feel good and happy , well worth doing
Sleep - We all sruggle from time to time with our sleeping patterns , try if you can to stop nappin during the day , if you feel you must then be sensible about it , set a alarm and give yourself a hour or perhaps 2 then get up , dont lie there in a half asleep state thinking about things get up and do something constructive , if you wake during the night and struggle to get bak off to sleep again dont lie there get up , go clean or get a nice warm drink you have to start breaking the cycle and habbits that we so easily form when we suffer with anxiety or panic
Panic Attack - Ok firstly try to break the cycle of being scared something terrible is going to happen IT WONT , Runnin away simple creates more problems and makes us feel a failure , if you feel panic coming where ever you are try this
Drop your shoulders , focus on something near by - a shop window , a lamp post or even a tin of beans if your in the supermarket , take a slow deep breath in through your nose count to 4 , release it our again through the nose and repeat , tell yourself its Ok it will pass and you WILL be ok , do this for a few moments then continue with what you were doing , you may feel slightly dizzy or sick , this is Ok its as a result of your levels returning to normal , take a sweet and suck it this will help with the nausau , anyone who Knows me Knows i have a constant supply of mints in my handbag for such occasions .
Ok if anyone has other symptoms of needs advice on anything in paticular leave a post and i will reply
Michelle
This post is by a former member of NMP. Michelle can no longer be contacted through this site but please feel free to continue posting on the forum for further advice and support.
Regards
Lisa
NMP Administrator" nomorepanic
Some more tips from successconsciousness:
1. Lack of control over your thoughts, strengthens your anxiety. As negative thoughts get stronger, your anxiety gets stronger too. You need to learn to control your thoughts.
2. Feelings and emotions fuel and strengthen anxiety. You need to develop some self discipline, and learn to have control over your feelings. You also need to develop some degree of emotional detachment.
3.When you go to bed at night, and first thing when you wake up in the morning, think about the good things that are happening to you. There are always some good things happening, even if small and insignificant.
4. Start the day with several minutes of positive affirmations. Tell yourself how would like your day to be. Use positive, cheering and motivating words.
5. Be busy and do something, since activity keeps your mind off your anxiety. When you wake up in the morning, start doing something right away, and keep busy all day. Cleaning the house, washing the dishes or working in your garden, reading, studying, meditating, or exercising your body can help you keep your mind away from anxiety. Staying idle, and thinking about your problems and worries won't make them go away.
6. Set a goal and work everyday to achieve it. This action will direct your thoughts and feelings away from worries and anxieties, toward something more positive and constructive.
7. Talk about your anxieties to someone you trust. Talking about your anxieties and feelings can alleviate them, and put them in the right proportions, provided you talk objectively, and with a real desire to get rid of your anxiety, or at least reduce its intensity.
8. Exercising your body and staying fit, is a good way to keep fears and anxieties away. You can walk, swim, do yoga, aerobics, or any other sport.
9. Find reasons to laugh. This will bring light and happiness into your life, and drive anxiety away. Watch comedies on TV, be with happy and amusing friends, or read something that makes you laugh.
10. Use positive words in your conversation and in your inner talk.
11. Affirm and visualize positive situations and events. Visualize a happy and positive solution to your problems.
12. If watching the news fills you with anxiety - turn off the TV! Limit the time you watch the news, and don't watch anything that might upset you, before you go to bed.
The tips and information in this article do not replace professional advice.
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